May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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