Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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