24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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