I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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