Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
