well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
