Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
