Small penises have feelings too.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
