wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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