how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
