Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
