you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
