it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
