I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize