That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
