Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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