Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
