Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
