3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
