Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
