I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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