I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
