oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize