eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
