chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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