If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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