two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize