Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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