i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
