I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
