So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
