You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
