to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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