Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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