Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize