I'm going to jail i love you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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