I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
