ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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