Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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