Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize