"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
