new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
