just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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