dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
