I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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