Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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