i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
