Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
