i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
