Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
