It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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