This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
