im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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