wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
