i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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