i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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