life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
