she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
