how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize