Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
