i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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