is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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