Where did you get a picture of my penis
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize