my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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