i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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