some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
