haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
