That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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