there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
